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I can only stay strong for so long. I have my on and off days, and today is not my day or should I say week. I am so weak right now and i’m trying to rely on God for help. All these feelings that have been welling up inside me…man. I used to be able to keep everything together, but this year God was able to show me that I really need to be in touch with my emotions. I am just so stubborn when it comes to accepting what I feel on the inside. I won’t allow myself to be weak in front of people. Although I was able to be more open with people these past couple of months but I was still lying to myself, that i’m okay. I will continue to ask God for guidance because I do not want to bring it back to school. I want to leave all these feelings before I go back. That way I only focus on my relationship with God and myself. Let’s hope for a great weekend. I pray that I will continue to go forward.

Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying. ~ Romans 12:12


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It’s not the end of the world but it feels like it. Urg, so disappointed. My only outlet but not really because I can’t say too much… -.- Darn it

So many mixed feelings

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The amount of stress I have now, urg. I cannot breathe. I’ve been suffering a lot this year in so many ways, but it’s hard to share it with people. I have no one to turn to and it has been tough dealing with it alone. I know with suffering I can grow closer to God. I am trying my best to trust in Him. There’s a part of me that want to take control and want to know what is the future. Having to give it all up to God has been tough, because I want to know what’s going to happen next but I don’t know what  God has in store for me. That’s is pretty scary for me since I like to know ahead of time. I like to plan out what I want to do. I am fighting the urge to not do that … >.< *sigh* This year has been a huge disappointment for me and I don’t know how to handle these situations. I’ve never been hit by so many things at once, it feels like an avalanche just hit me…@_@ can’t type anymore so sleepy.

Working my way through

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I’ve been reading more about adult with ADD and I can confirm that I will not be going under any medication. I don’t believe in that stuff. This is my third year of college and it has been the toughest year to focus. I have a feeling it is because I am in this new environment and I have nothing to do. Back at home, I can go places and let out all of my energy. I can’t do that here. I feel trapped. I tried to discipline myself but it is hard but I won’t give up. I know, I can overcome this ‘unbalanced chemical’ thing that my brain is doing with self discipline and God’s power. I will trust in him, whatever his plan is for me. I will continue to pray and not let this control my life.

My Birthday!

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My birthday was on Tuesday, unfortunately. I went to school and came home the next day Jon and I went out to Sakura for Sushi since he hasn’t been there yet. Jon only ate three rolls…such a girl. He said he was on a diet (whatever). Then today my friend took me out to eat at Bravo’s, our favorite place to eat! I wont be typing what it is because I will show you in pictures! It was a nice birthday. Turning the legal, legal age isn’t officially legal until November lol.

I got my birthday gift from Sephora! How thoughtful.


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Blood is thicker than water

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The actually meaning of this quote/phrase has been diluted. I’m pretty sure not a lot of people know the actually meaning of it. Most people think it means that family is more important than anyone outside. It is a common/popular term in the western world. If you were to look it up on Google, even Wikipedia and dictionary.com would interpret it as being blood family is more important than anyone else outside. The original phrase “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb”. 


” Covenants in scripture, they are always sealed by blood. It began with Abraham and ended with Jesus. Every covenant was sealed with blood. Even the Hebrew word (karath) translated “made” is literally “cut”. In other words, youcut a covenant. The cut draws the blood. The blood is the bond and seal.

There is a friend that sticks closer than a brother” from Proverbs 18:24. I think of the covenant between David and Jonathan. They cut a covenant as well. They were closer than brothers.

Luke 14 where Jesus says, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple.


Water of the womb = family ( ex. a woman’s water breaks is a sign of a child is about to be born, which is a process of you and your siblings would have to go through. That’s why you and your siblings/family are considered as water.)

Since i’m too lazy to type everything I was able to find something that basically sums up everything I want to type up.

“During the ritual of ancient covenant making, the two parties involved would divide an animal in half, and stand together in the blood, with their right hands clasp, and swear a mutual oath binding them to each other. In some cases, each party would cut their respective hands, bind them together with the other party, allowing their blood to mingle. The resulting union of this blood oath was never to be broken. In effect, the two participants in the covenant would become “blood brothers,” and thus become one flesh.

The relationship born of this union was so knit, that brothers made through the blood of covenants were closer to each other than brothers who were born from the same womb. Hence, blood (of the covenant) is thicker than water (of the womb).”

I hope that’s an eye opener :]

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