Mute

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When I can’t express how I feel. When I can’t help anyone. When I can’t relate to them. When I don’t know what to say. When I don’t know if I’m saying too much. These thoughts mute me.

We will not be shaken

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By this we know love

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Jesus Paid It All

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Fear

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This week has been the toughest week, because I couldn’t drop everything and just mourn. I was on a constant run; every morning I wake up at 8 A.M and end my day at 8 PM most of the days. I didn’t realize how draining it is until today. After I took my exam, from which i’ve struggled to study for because I couldn’t concentrate. This exam has been the biggest stress of my week. I had to suppress my emotions and worked hard. At exactly 9 PM I was finished with this exam, and drove back to my place. Tears were welling up and I couldn’t stop…as I cried out to my Heavenly Father seeking for peace and thanking him for all strength he had given me throughout this week. I cried more because I am now facing reality, the reality is that she isn’t in this world anymore. Everytime I think of her, I’ll try to stop because I don’t want to accept it. Yes, I know it is best for her to be with our Father, but I am selfish and I want her to be here still. I miss her.

It’s finally Wednesday! And throughout the week I was ready for the weekend so I could go home, but as the weekend approaches my heart starts to race. I am afraid. Afraid of the truth, afraid of reality, afraid that I won’t be able to handle it.

—–Lord, I bring you my burdens and you know my situation. Whenever I am struggling and needed you to get me through it all. You bring comfort to my aching heart and give me strength. And I pray for those who are struggling, pray that you will watch over them and help them through this difficult time.Thank you, Jesus– Amen.  

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” – Isaiah 41:10

It is well

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A song for my sister, a song we were obsessed with after CMC and over the summer. :]

Bethel Music – It is Well
Grander earth has quaked before
Moved by the sound of His voice
Seas that are shaken and stirred
Can be calmed and broken for my regard
Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
Through it all, through it all
It is well
Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
It is well with me
Far be it from me to not believe
Even when my eyes can’t see
And this mountain that’s in front of me
Will be thrown into the midst of the sea
Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
Through it all, through it all
It is well
Bridge x3
So let go my soul and trust in Him
The waves and wind still know His name(repeat last line during 3rd run)
It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
repeat 3x(increasing in strength and volume)
It is well it is well with my soul x3
ahhhhhhh (softly)
x2-3 (soflty slowly)
Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You Lord
Through it all

 

” I will sing of the Lord’s great love forever;…”

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Yesterday was one of the toughest days in my life. The day a fellow sister, someone whom I’ve been looking up to most of my life has gone to our heavenly Father. She was a strong woman in her faith and trust Him through it all. A part of me is in excruciating pain in my chest, my tears flow uncontrollably, but a part of me is glad she’s no longer suffering. I am in such a mixed emotion, I really want to go home. I wanted to be there for her. I still can’t believe it. … so many thoughts running through my head.

God, I pray that you will guide all of us through this as we are in our weakest moment; may you lift us up and give us the strengths to move forward. 

I know I was really angry at my schedule last night because I have field work on weekends. And there’s absolutely no way for me to skip it for anything because it cannot be made up. I was angry that it is my heaviest-load-of-work-week, but soon after I cleared my head because I wasn’t thinking straight. At the end, I am just thankful for God and all that he has done in my life. I am thankful, I am thankful, I am thankful, and I trust you.

——-I thank you, God, for putting her into my life and how close we’ve gotten in the past years. I will cherish all the memories we had; I will miss you always. Love you and see you again.

“I will sing of the LORD’s great love forever; with my mouth I will make your faithfulness known through all generations. I will declare that your love stands firm forever, that you have established your faithfulness in heaven itself.”

 Psalm 89:1-2

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